If you are married and have never experienced having a violent stomach virus at the same time as your mate, you don't really deserve to fully claim your marriage certificate. It is the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit" for your marriage. For if one can remain in love after such travesties of the body which occur during these times, then you have truly experienced the refiner's fire.
This was actually the second time this has occurred for us, so I feel I have acquired some expertise in the field. In the light of these facts, I have compiled a list of suggestions for those of you who haven't been there yet.
1. Do not try to eat or drink anything until you are certain it is safe to do so. For whatever temporary pleasure may be gained in the moment from the crackers and Ginger Ale is sure to be canceled out by their dramatic return.
2. When your beloved is "in the act" you may try consolation, but nothing is to be gained from this. Just let them work it out on their own, for there are only so many toilets/trashcans in one bathroom.
3. If you should find pants, sheets, or any suspicious blankets, or clothing of any kind in a corner, do not let your curiosity tempt you. Just gingerly take them to the laundry room and set the dial to super heavy, triple soap, nuclear disaster if your machine has that setting.
4. Find the best photo of your wife/husband that you can and put it up in the bathroom so that you may remember that he/she is not the hurling, foul, Sasquatch that you actually see before your eyes.
5. You may try lighting candles, opening a window, spritzing your best pomegranate basil room spray, or placing scented "plug in's" in every outlet in the house... None of this is strong enough to come near alleviating the problem. Just get used to it. It might go away in the spring.
6. If you make it through all of this, and no one has issued a restraining order, there have been no serious mental breakdowns resulting in institutionalization, you still have a house, clothes, and each other, rejoice! For:
7. "We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3,4.
4 comments:
the next step in this certificate process- going through that when you have a kid that one of you (the one that feels the least terrible) has to take care of
That was awesome, and way, way, way, too true. I wrote something similar to this once a few years ago, but I did NOT share it, it was just too gross. hehehe Nice writing, way to capture the essence of it without being too disgusting.
Ooohhh, man. I am so sorry y'all had to go through that ... again. It's a bad, BAD trial. But if you're ever going to find out the worst and most disgusting things about your mate, that'll do it! ... It kinda puts a chill on the libido for a while. LOL!!
But that's ok. Because the last thing you'll want after such an episode is to make a baby. A (cute and precious) puke machine -- and that's withOUT viruses.
It is a rare form of torture to be hurling for the seventh time in a day only to hear your toddler start in the other room -- with no particular aim -- mostly on upholstered things.
I hope y'all are feeling better!!!
Stacy this is my favorite blog you have ever done...SO FUNNY!! :)
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